Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
there was a trapeze. enough said
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
