Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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