1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
