Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
