you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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