Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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