I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
