College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
