i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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