my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
