It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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