Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
