As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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