is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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