so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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