So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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