Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
