Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We have so much sex to catch up on
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
