you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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