I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
