my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
