my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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