You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
