I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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