Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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