shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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