It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
