I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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