so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I pour the whiskey from now on
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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