There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
