Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just high enough for therapy.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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