he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
