I'm so fucking centered right now
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
