So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
