Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
