her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
