my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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