Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
