A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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