The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
