you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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