Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
