remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
