...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
