remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
