Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
