it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
