MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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