Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
