Umm I'm too high to move.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The air was thick with penises
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
