i just had sex bonerless
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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