hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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