I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
