she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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