either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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