I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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