That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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